I sometimes get confused with what really matters in life. I think on my deathbed I wonder what regrets I’d have. Someone once said that people who look back on their life have common regrets: I never took that risk; I never reflected on my life enough…there was one more but I don’t remember it. I wonder if any future reality would really change how I live today. I wonder if God’s return to this earth to fully redeem it back to its original purpose – shalom in everything – changes how I live this moment.
Far too infrequently I meet with the personal, real, living, and above all else, loving God. When I do meet with God I don’t think I share about it enough. Now the experiences I’ve had with this God over my life are borderline “out of this world,” but that would not give this God justice. Somehow God meets me where I am at – very human, frail, vulnerable – and asks me, “Do you want to play catch?”
To me this has deep personal meaning. I wonder how much of who we were growing up influences us today? Obviously something something. I loved playing catch with a baseball ever since I learned how to read and do basic math skills by reading the sports page everyday. Playing catch was my thing, with my Dad, with my friends, by myself making up baseball games in my backyard. It was a something that gave me life, meaning, enjoyment – and in some way purpose as a kid.
I believe God has created us with imaginations and he speaks through it. Remembering a failing moment in my baseball career was one of those times. He brought me into a memory as a teenager going through puberty, struggling to find my identity, acceptance, love. I remember feeling like a failure at certain times, like when I let that ground ball go between my legs in the semi-finals during the last inning that would have ended the game. We were up by a large margin going into the last inning and collectively we literally threw the game away – we lost the game. I was a part of that failure. I didn’t execute. I felt like a failure in something that gave me the most joy growing up. What kind of messages does that give to a kid? Something like the message that I’m not good enough, sapping any potential joy I could have at doing something I loved.
Where was Jesus? (NTS: He will never leave me nor forsake me) He was sitting in the stands cheering me on. As I was hanging my head, dejectedly walking off the field after that fateful inning, Jesus was shouting out to me. “It’s OK Ben, you’re still awesome in my books!” I went into the dugout still feeling miserable. Somehow Jesus came in and sat down beside me. He said, “It’s OK Ben, you have what it takes out there, you’re still awesome to me.” Imagine this teenage me in my disgrace moan out, “But I’m not worth it! I failed!” Jesus responds, “You are so worth it! Or I wouldn’t have gone to the cross and died for you, all your failures, for all of you. I would do it all again if I had to. But I don’t need to. I have already done it so that you can be free from all your failures.” At this point the present me teared up. Then came his invitation, “Do you want to play catch with me?” Right then and there in my moment of misery, Jesus wanted to do something with me that he knew meant a whole lot to me.
The teenage me was being redeemed, the teenage Ben was discovering a new and real identity. I was never a failure. I was a capable, worthy, and accepted kid. Somehow I know this effects my present reality, gosh, this did happen today in my life. The past and future should both effect how I live today to the full. I thank God today for giving me a bit more freedom as a teenage me, reminding me that I am capable, worthy, and accepted. Jesus invited me to play catch with him, and to me this brings me joy. God in all his bigness wants to play catch with me. How do I play catch with this personal and real and above all else, loving God today? Tomorrow? What does this say about who God is?