Last night I was exhausted, mostly because of the mental mashing my brain has sustained over the past month. It takes its toll. I laid in bed with my heart pounding. Unusual. It was a stressed out tightness in the chest. I shook my head and chuckled, wow was I ever high strung! I didn’t like it. I’m not living a balanced life that I need to be successful. I need to change. I cant go about reading and writing 12-14 hrs a day. I don’t get any real exercise in my body despite my athletes body. I need to jog or something!
The number one de-stressor is learning to release the stuff that I have no control over. I can only do this in God’s presence it seems and bring to him one at a time things that I need to do. God was quick to reassure me that “I am with you.” Phew. In my self-consuming school workload and my inability to consistently seek God, He has not given up on me. I asked for forgiveness. That eased my tightness in my chest. Its like I need to know that God is with me. As if that is one of the most basic and foundational needs I have. I don’t want to be alone in this crazy life!
God is pursuing me. He asked me if I wanted to meet with him right then. OK, I replied quite hesitantly. It was just past 1AM. God wanted me out of my bed, I sensed. Maybe because it was getting really comfy and warm? Maybe because he was seeing if I would just simply obey his voice. So I went upstairs. I went to the dining room table and opened my Bible. This time not for the purpose of school. This time to meet with God because he wanted to meet with me. I was being pursued.
I started to read Exodus 32-34. The section where Israel screwed up royally with the golden calf, and Moses was interceding on their behalf so that God wouldn’t destroy them. Moses was a real person. Blunt and to the point. ‘God, c’mon, you cant destroy these people! You promised…’ The amazing thing with Moses is that he met with God like I meet with my friends – face to face. Its close, personal, talking, listening, give and take, mutual. I came to the point where Moses asked God, ‘Now show me your glory.” It seems like a random question. But Moses needed to really know that God was with him. Well, I decided if Moses can ask that, so could I. God’s response was “630 this morning and pray.” OK. That seems alright. Only in a few hours. Whatever, I’m going to bed. I set my alarm for 630AM anticipating God was going to show me something.
My dream was nuts. My family, a combination of the Froese’s and Horches’, were putting on this amazing extravagant Christmas feast for all our friends. I’m talking it was 5-star quality! We rented a huge ballroom, we had fake snow, it was classy, it was formal, and I was dressed up as a Santa. One mean lean Santa (I wasn’t the only Santa, Uncle Richard, Dan, and James were too.) Our guests were video taping the show we organized and taking a gazillion pics. Christmas decorations everywhere that would’ve made DisneyLand cry. This guy would walk around handing out free roses in at least a dozen different colours. It was a huge event! And it seemed quite expensive. We were about to show ourselves to our guests at the end of the evening and completion of the show. They were ready to give us a standing ovation…and then I woke up.
I was instantly awake. I thought, in less than a minute my alarm will go off…less than 5 seconds later it did. 630AM had come and I awoke just before my alarm. God was not late, he wanted to meet with me at 630 sharp. I think he woke me up.
Up the stairs I trudged and sat down at the dinning room table. Alright God, now show me your glory… And then light and angels and trumpets… No. I picked up my Bible and started to read Revelation 21. The future vision of the end of time as we know it – the final completion of God’s kingdom on earth. A scene of heaven. This was a feast and party scene much like my dream. God prepared this place for us, his bride, to live in forever. God was going to dwell with his people forever. We were made to live forever in God’s presence. Forever starts now and God is with me. A bit of heaven on earth? I continued to read. The heavenly city was coming down and ‘it shone with the glory of God, and its brilliance was like that of a very precious jewel…’
There were twelve gates in this city, each made of a single pearl. Jesus was the Gate of this city. Only through him could people enter.
‘The city does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is its lamp. The nations will walk by its light, and the kings of the earth will bring their splendour into it.’
God said, “you can experience my glory today.” I looked around and it was still dark outside, whatever…I need God’s glory!
I noticed that this chapter was like a celebration of marriage, in this sense between the Lamb (JC) and the Bride (Church). I got the sense that the focus was on the Bride. Yes, the Lamb was integral and giving light to the whole party, but it was made for the Bride it seems. The Bride was the centre of attention in this wedding banquet (Revelation is not presented in chronological order, and in 19:6-10 the end of time arrived – again – and the ‘wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean…’)
God, I need to know that you are with me. “I am with you.” God’s glory is in me! I am resident in the Holy of Holies! I reside permanently in holy ground. And I’m already clean! Even though this is complete future reality, it is also a present reality because of what Jesus did on the cross for all my sins. God sees me through the blood of his son. My only response: a standing ovation of gratitude.
When I am stressed and exhausted…respond by being thankful…reflect it back to God.
Verse 23, ‘The nations will walk by its light…’ This is what I’m talking about! The nations! So God, nations, when…where…can we join you? I had this sense of personal expectancy. I was made for this. Wait on God, it will happen. God’s kingdom of nations, “give ourselves” for it! What is God doing? (Maybe not what God is leading us, which seems a bit more “us centred.”) Where God is active, we can be active too. Where we sense God’s activity, we can join! Nation…which one…waiting expectantly. Thanks for praying with me this morning God!